- D -
- They're treating him like Elvis.
Eddie Davis, banjo player, describing crowd reaction to Woody Allen's clarinet playing
during a European tour, 1996
- Paint the top end red, then dab white and black with a small sponge to give the "ash" effect.
Democratic National Committee, from instructions on making a "Mr Butt Man" walking cigarette to follow around Republican Presidential Candidate Bob Dole, 1996
- We're in uncharted territory here...
Dan Dierdorf, ABC sports commentator, preparing to announce the first womens' professional boxing match on network television (Won by Yvonne Trevino), 1997
- I was born in nineteen-seventeen. There weren't even paved roads back then. I started doing stand-up comedy in 1955, when I was thirty-seven yearn old. And in those days, thirty-seven was just ancient. Before that I was terribly busy being pregnant, which was optimum because I had something to bitch about. And all comedy is bitching. If everything goes well, you have no comedy.
Phyllis Diller, Comedienne, in a interview, 1996
- The Dixie Chicks do not advocate premeditated murder, but love getting even.
Dixie Chicks, country music group, 'legal' disclaimer on music CD liner notes, 1999
- At least she's the president of something, which is more than I can say.
Bob Dole, US Senate Majority Leader, on his wife Elizabeth, president
of the American Red Cross, 1995
- If something happened along the route and you had to leave your children with Bob Dole or Bill Clinton, I think you would probably leave them with Bob Dole.
Bob Dole, US Senate Majority Leader and presidential candidate, speaking about himself in the third person, 1996
- I admit Dole would have the kids asleep earlier.
Justin Schorr, NYC parent, on what it would be like to have Bob Dole as a fill-in parent, 1996
- ...make us eat our vegetables, do our homework, and turn off the TV whenever it became violent or sexy.
Jonathan Lange, age 10, from Easton, PA, on what it would be like to have Bob Dole as a fill-in parent, 1996
- You know, a better man for a better America. That's sort of our slogan.
Bob Dole, Republican Presidential Nominee, on C-Span, 1996
- The Brooklyn Dodgers had a no hitter last night.
Bob Dole, Republican Presidential Nominee, four decades after the Dodgers moved to Los Angeles, 1996
- Just tap into my web page at www.dolekemp.org.
Bob Dole, Republican Presidential Nominee, the first person to mention a URL in a presidential debate, 1996
- You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55.
Bob Dole, former US senator and Republican Presidential Candidate, 1996
- At least she's the president of something, which is more than I can say.
Bob Dole, US Senate Majority Leader, on his wife Elizabeth, president
of the American Red Cross, 1995
- Elizabeth's back at the red cross, and I'm walking the dog.
Bob Dole, on the Today Show, describing life after the elections, 1997
- Once they realized it was a humanitarian gesture, they jumped on it.
Patrick Dordan, UPS Deliveryman, who suggested that his company fly the killer whale used in the movie 'Free Willy' to Oregon for rest and recuperation (which they did with a C-130 cargo plane), 1996
- I woke up this morning praying it had turned, but it was still there, like a bloodhound.
Michael C. Dow, Mayor of Mobile, Alabama, on Hurricane Ivan, September 15th, 2004
- This started off as a father-daughter adventure, and it's gotten wonderfully out of hand...I'm going to fly till I die.
Jessica Dubroff, 7 year old American pilot, speaking prophetically to the Times of London, before her fatal plane crash, 1996
- I don't even think about not having a leg.
Natalie Du Toit, South African Olympic distance swimmer, and the first amputee to qualify for the Olympics, 21Aug2008
- E -
- I don't know what I'll be coming back to. I have nothing.
Arma Eaglin, Galveston, Texas resident, after flooding caused by hurricane Ike, 14Sept2008, in the
Sun-Sentinel
- I think there are only three things America will be known for 2,000 years from now when they study this civilization: the Constitution, jazz music, and baseball.
Gerald Early, writer, baseball documentary, 1994
- When you're dancing with a bear, you have to make sure you don't get tired and sit down. You've got to wait till the bear is tired before you get a rest.
Joycelyn Elders, essay in the New York Times, September 14th 1993
- All I hear from Washington is that trade is a win-win proposition,Then I look at our growing trade deficit and think about the 3,400 good people in our good factories that we had to let go, and I want someone to show me where we have won. We're talked to by Washington as if we hadn't a brain in our heads.
John A. Emrich, chief executive of Guilford Mills, Greensboro, NC, November 2nd, 2004
- F -
- I wanted to remind stockbrokers what real stock is.
Joe Fafard, sculptor, whose work "The Pasture" features cast bronze cows in Toronto's financial district, 1996.
- I simply decided I had enough money.
Charles Feeney, wealthy anonymous benefactor, on why he has donated $600 million to selected charities, 1997.
- Rule 1: Be a creature unlike any other.
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors, from THE RULES: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, 1995
- Rule 5: Don't call him and rarely return his calls.
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors, from THE RULES: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, 1995
- Rule 20: Be honest but mysterious.
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors, from THE RULES: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, 1995
- There's a fine line between boxing and chaos.
Gordon Fink, Deputy Attorney General, aftr Mike Tyson bit off part of Evander Holyfield's ear during a championship fight, 1997.
- Generally when there's a lot of smoke...there's just a whole lot
more smoke.
George Foreman, boxer and sports comentator, before a fight
between Riddick Bowe and Hector Gonzales, 1995
- These guys from the nation's capital - now they do a lot of thinking.
George Foreman, referring to boxers from D.C., not politicians, 1996
- Let the other guy have whatever he wants before the fight. Once the bell rings he's gonna be disappointed anyway.
George Foreman, relating boxing advice he received from Archie Moore on posturing before a fight, 1996
- You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not
'professional' any more.
Jeff Foxworthy, comedian, 1995
- I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade
a year before I did.
Jeff Foxworthy, comedian, 1995
- I always felt rock and roll was very, very wholesome music.
Aretha Franklin , queen of soul, 1995
- It's so glamorous, you have to see it.
Aretha Franklin , queen of soul, describing the $92 million
Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, 1995
- I really think that sex always looks kind of funny in a movie.
William Friedkin, Director, 1995
- Violence is not funny.
William Friedkin, Director, 1995
- I'm not going to allow you to parade witnesses who are from the planet Mars.
Hiroshi Fujusaki, Los Angeles superior court judge, to defense attorneys in the O.J. Simpson civil trial, 1996.
- G -
- Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back.
Garbage Truck, Cambridge, Massachusettes, 1997
- Free lifetime snow removal.
Garbage Truck, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, 1998
- Well, she is bigger than the other girls out there.
Ann Gardner, New Mexico resident, regarding Akicia Machado, Miss Universe, told by officials to lose weight or lose her crown, 1996
- I was looking for an American symbol. A Coca-Cola bottle or a Mickey Mouse would have been
ridiculous, doing anything with the American flag would have been insulting, and Cadillac
hub caps were just too uncomfortable.
Lizzy Gardiner, Australian clothes designer, who wore a dress made of American
Express gold cards to the Academy Awards, 1995
- The big danger is one of hubris. There's a tendency after you win your second term to think you're invulnerable. You're not just king of the mountain, you've mastered the mountain. That can often lead to mistakes of excessive pride.
David Gergen, former presidential adviser. NYT Online Edition, 08-November-2004
- If I could find the guy who did this, I promise you I'd kick his butt.
Matt Ghaffari, US Greco-Roman Wrestling Silver Medalist, about the person responsible for the Centennial Park bombing, Atlanta Olympics, 1996.
- I looked up and saw my flag. But I didn't hear my anthem.
Matt Ghaffari, patriotic US Greco-Roman Wrestling Silver Medalist, about the award ceremony, Atlanta Olympics, 1996.
- It freshens your breath and helps prevent tartar.
Mel Gibson, actor, while eating a dog biscuit at Harvard, 1996
- That's great - I'm only seven wins away from my first grand slam title.
Justin Gimelstob,UCLA freshman, ranked 1,154 in the world, upon gaining a wildcard
bid to the US Open Tennis Championships, 1995
- If Thomas Edison invented electric light today, Dan Rather would report it on CBS News as
"candle making industry threatened".
Newt Gingrich, US Congressman and House Speaker, 1995
- I'm not a natural leader. I'm too intellectual; I'm too abstract; I think too much.
Newt Gingrich, US Congressman and House Speaker, 1995
- I discourage a cult of personality.
Newt Gingrich, US Congressman and House Speaker, 1995
- We're all human and we all goof. Do things that may be wrong, but do something.
Newt Gingrich, US Congressman and House Speaker, 1989
- It may just be because I get homesick, but I have concluded Washington's cherry blossoms are just plain overrated.
Newt Gingrich, US Congressman and House Speaker, 1990
- I think one of the great problems we have in the Republican Party is that we don't encourage you to be nasty. We encourage you to be neat, obedient, loyal and faithful and all those Boy Scout words, which would be great around a campfire but are lousy in politics.
Newt Gingrich, US Congressman and House Speaker, 1994
- You will be pleased to know I stand obediently for the national anthem, though of course I would defend your right to remain seated should you so decide.
Ira Glasser, head of the ACLU, conversation with conservative William F. Buckley, 1994
- There is still no cure for the common birthday.
John Glenn, US senator, former Marine and Astronaut, announcing his retirement at age 75, 1996
- I'll be candid with you. I had hoped to be back here this week under different circumstances, running for re-election. But you know the old saying: you win some, you lose some. And then there's that little-known third category.
Al Gore, former US Vice President, and Presidential Candidate, at the Democratic National Convention in Boston, July 26th, 2004
- Half the world does not know the joys of wearing cotton underwear.
Phil Gramm, US senator and presidential candidate, promoting US exports, as quoted in
Time, 1996
- These people have served a longer sentence than some people who have committed murder.
Jeff Greenfield, news analyst, describing the jury in the OJ
Simpson murder trial, 1995
- "Greenwashing"
(term for misleading advertising suggesting products, practices or legislation are environmentally friendly, when they really aren't), Sept2008
- Please note that on page 124 of Abstraction in the Twentieth Century, Mark Rothko's Black, Ochre, Red over Red, is reproduced upside down.
Guggenheim Museum, from an exhibit catalog, 1996
- H -
- The problem isn't that people are trading and doing business. It's that people have taken this month to be a month of shopping.
Sheik Ahmed Abdelaziz Haddad of the Dubai Islamic Affairs Department Official, on the commercialization of Ramadan in wealthy Arab states, October 2005
- I would like them to leave a little bit of New York for the old-timers.
Fred Hakim, lunch counter owner, on Disney's face-lift of Times Square, New York, 1997
- Operations such as processing invoices and ordering supplies will be greatly curtailed now that we have no money.
Mikki Halpin, editor of the Stim web 'zine, 1997.
- I'm somebody pretending to be somebody pretending to be somebody.
Daniel Handler, a.k.a. Lemony Snicket, author of childrens' book series, 'A Series of Unfortunate Events", 2001
- It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Sandra Harding, US Postal Service Employee, commenting on the effects of a strike by UPS workers, August, 1997
- It irks me when people use the character's name in a demeaning way.
Larry Harmon, AKA 'Bozo the Clown' after his stage name was used for political purposes by Bob Dole, 1996
- Casting directors can't get past thinking of me as a kid's show host, but I'd be the perfect dumpy, middle-aged college professor.
Larry Harmon (Bozo the Clown) on future career options, 2001, in Time
- There are only three ages for women in Hollywood--Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.
Goldie Hawn, actress, 1996
- I was with some Vietnamese recently, and some of them were smoking two cigarettes at the same time. That's the kind of customers we need!
Jesse Helms, US Senator from North Carolina, at a dinner to promote the state's tobacco industry, 1996.
- Only the little people pay taxes.
Leona Helmsley, hotel owner and prison inmate, 1989
- Good hours, excellent pay, fun place to work, paid training, mean boss. Oh well, four out of five isn't bad.
Help Wanted Ad, Pennsylvania newspaper, 1994
- In our country they love to build beople up -- and SMASH them.
Florence Henderson, (Mrs Brady), on Politically Incorrect 1995
- We need a president who's fluent in at least one language.
Buck Henry, comedian, 1992
- I'm in good shape. If they invite me back next year, I'll be here.
Manny Hershkowitz, 82-year-old ball-boy at the US Open Tennis Tournament, 1999
- That wrinkly, white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which I guess means I'm running for President.
Paris Hilton, American "Celebrity", in her video response to a television advertisement by Presidentail candiate John McCain, 06Aug2008
- The surge of interest in an unknown talent is unprecedented.
Yoshitaka Hori, manager of Kyoko Date, a computer-generated teen-age Japanese pop singer, 1996
- I consider myself a civilian. I've done my time. I've got a brand new baby and a wife, and I haven't touched the controls of an aircraft in seven years. I'm 47 years old. How could they be calling me? How could they even want me?
Rick Howell, former US Army helicopter pilot from Tuscaloosa, AL, on being called to active duty to fight in Iraq, seven years after he retired from the service, in the NY Times Online Edition, November 16th, 2004
- I -
- I see the President and the First Lady are not here -- probably someplace testifying.
Don Imus, at the Broadcaster's Hall of Fame banquet, shortly after being criticized for his
not-quite-reprintable humor at the Clintons' expense, 1996.
- People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000.
Pete Incaviglia, baseball player, 1990
- Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a
bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.
Bob Inglis, 1995
- We inherited the planet from our ancestors 3,000 years ago.
Adam Ismail, one of three Yemeni men claiming ownership of Mars, and suing NASA for trespassing, 1997.
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