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- 1993 -
  1. These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it.
       Charles Barkley, basketball player, in a commercial for basketball shoes, 1993

  2. I was a veteran, before I was a teenager.
       Michael Jackson, singer, songwriter, and megastar, 1993

  3. Me and Janet really are two different people.
       Michael Jackson, singer, songwriter, and megastar, 1993


    - 1994 -
    1. I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five.
         Charles Barkley, making NBA playoff predictions, 1994

    2. My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.
         Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself "the Charles Barkley of figure skating", 1994

    3. It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
         Alan Alda, actor, 1994

    4. You touch the wires and you fly!
         (Anonymous Teenage Amateur Electrician), on what can happen when tapping illegally into high voltage power lines, heard on NPR, South Africa, 1994

    5. If you compare ours with the best of French wines, we are definitely not there. But if you compare it to the worst of French wines, we are definitely better.
         (Anonymous Vintner), near Bangalore India, 1994

    6. Please Lord, let me prove to you that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
         (Anonymous t-shirt plea), Wireless catalog, 1994

    7. I think one of the reasons I'm popular again is because I'm wearing a tie. You have to be different.
         Tony Bennet, singer, 1994

    8. I think there are only three things America will be known for 2,000 years from now when they study this civilization: the Constitution, jazz music, and baseball.
         Gerald Early, writer, baseball documentary, 1994

    9. I think one of the great problems we have in the Republican Party is that we don't encourage you to be nasty. We encourage you to be neat, obedient, loyal and faithful and all those Boy Scout words, which would be great around a campfire but are lousy in politics.
         Newt Gingrich, US Congressman and House Speaker, 1994

    10. You will be pleased to know I stand obediently for the national anthem, though of course I would defend your right to remain seated should you so decide.
         Ira Glasser, head of the ACLU, conversation with conservative William F. Buckley, 1994

    11. This is New York, and there's no law against being annoying.
         William Kunstler, lawyer, 1994

    12. Be careful out there. There are things that go bump in the night. Actually, there are things that go 'Give me your wallet or I'll kill you' in the night.
         John Larroquette, actor,1994

    13. Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.
         David Letterman , CBS Late Show, 1994

    14. It's true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, "Even a blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then."
         Lyle Lovett, musician, upon marying actress Julia Roberts, 1994

    15. You don't need any brains to listen to music.
         Luciano Pavarotti, opera singer, 1994

    16. I don't even now how to use a parking meter, let alone a phone box.
         Diana, english princess, 1994

    17. Enough of blood and tears. Enough!
         Yitzhak Rabin, Israeli Prime Minister and Nobel Peace Prize recipient, 1994

    18. Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.
         Don Schula, Miami Dolphins Football Coach, describing an opposing team, 1994

    19. It looked like the fall of the Roman Empire.
         Ted Soqui, photographer, describing parts of LA after the Northridge Earthquake, 1994

    20. It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
         Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, 1994

    21. Good hours, excellent pay, fun place to work, paid training, mean boss. Oh well, four out of five isn't bad.
         Help Wanted Ad, Pennsylvania newspaper, 1994

    22. Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings.
         George F. Will, journalist, political commentator, 1994

    23. Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.
         Steven Wright, comedian, 1994


    - 1995 -
    1. The more I know about men the more I like dogs.
         Gloria Allred, feminist attorney, on Politically Incorrect, 1995

    2. We don't charge for autographs here. We give them away free.
         (Anonymous Baseball Player), with the Beloit, Wisconsin "Snappers", 1995

    3. Two more laser treatments and this is gone.
         Tom Arnold, actor and comic, describing his plans for the "Rosanne" tattoo on his chest, 1995.

    4. I want to make this place so unpleasant that they won't even think about doing something that could bring them back.
         Joe Arpaio, sheriff for Maricopa County, AZ, describing conditions in his 'tent city in the desert' jail, 1995

    5. It was certainly a record for polyester.
         Auctioneer, after John Travolta's leisure suit from Saturday Night Fever brought in $145,000 at auction, 1995

    6. I do not like this word bomb. It is not a bomb; it is a device which is exploding.
         Jacques Le Blanc, French ambassador to New Zealand, describing France's nuclear testing, 1995

    7. Be careful what you swallow. Chew!
         Gwendolyn Brooks, poet, advice to graduates, Buena Vista University Graduation, 1995

    8. A lot of advertisers lined up to throw money at this stuff because they were caught up in the hysteria about the Web. But now they want to know how you make money selling a $1.59 bottle of dish detergent on the World Wide Web.
         Karen Burka, electronic marketing analyst, 1995

    9. One thing I can say about George...he may not be able to keep a job, but he's not boring.
         Barbara Bush, first lady, 1995

    10. As if we don't have enough volence on television.
         Barbara Bush, first lady, after her husband accidentally hit two spectators with golfballs during a celebrity golf tournament. 1995

    11. My grandkids say, "Reality Bites." O.K., but it also challenges and rewards...I believe our best days are yet to come.
         George Bush, US president, College of William and Mary Graduation, 1995

    12. I would not vote for the mayor. It's not just because he didn't invite me to dinner, but because on my way into town from the airport there were such enormous potholes.
         Fidel Castro, Cuban President-for-life, giving his opinion of New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, who stated he was unwelcome at some of the UN 50th anniversary events, 1995

    13. Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
         Dick Clark , ageless music promoter, 1995

    14. What will we all do when the trial is over?
         Dick Clark , ageless music promoter, 1995

    15. You didn't tell me what I was getting into.
         Dick Clark , ageless music promoter, during an appearance on 'Politically Incorrect', 1995

    16. The biggest critics of my books are people who never read them.
         Jackie Collins , best selling author, 1995

    17. People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you don't hear often... "And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godpeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.
         Bill Cosby, actor, author and comedian, Southern Methodist University Graduation, 1995

    18. Paul, George, and Ringo are recording a song using the last of John's unreleased tapes. It goes "Hello, this is the Lennon residence, I can't come to the phone right now..."
         Chris Cox, Congressman, during an appearance on 'Politically Incorrect', 1995

    19. At least she's the president of something, which is more than I can say.
         Bob Dole, US Senate Majority Leader, on his wife Elizabeth, president of the American Red Cross, 1995

    20. Rule 1: Be a creature unlike any other.
         Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors, from THE RULES: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, 1995

    21. Rule 5: Don't call him and rarely return his calls.
         Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors, from THE RULES: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, 1995

    22. Rule 20: Be honest but mysterious.
         Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors, from THE RULES: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, 1995

    23. Generally when there's a lot of smoke...there's just a whole lot more smoke.
         George Foreman, boxer and sports comentator, before a fight between Riddick Bowe and Hector Gonzales, 1995

    24. You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
         Jeff Foxworthy, comedian, 1995

    25. I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
         Jeff Foxworthy, comedian, 1995

    26. I always felt rock and roll was very, very wholesome music.
         Aretha Franklin , queen of soul, 1995

    27. It's so glamorous, you have to see it.
         Aretha Franklin , queen of soul, describing the $92 million Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, 1995

    28. I really think that sex always looks kind of funny in a movie.
         William Friedkin, Director, 1995

    29. Violence is not funny.
         William Friedkin, Director, 1995

    30. This is the only place in the world where you can do this. The little guy who dosen't have a lot of money can still come here and start up a campain. We give the same courtesy to the Hemp Lady as to Bob Dole.
         New Hampshire Secretary of State, where anyone with $1,000 can enter the Presidential Primary Election, 1995

    31. I was looking for an American symbol. A Coca-Cola bottle or a Mickey Mouse would have been ridiculous, doing anything with the American flag would have been insulting, and Cadillac hub caps were just too uncomfortable.
         Lizzy Gardiner, Australian clothes designer, who wore a dress made of American Express gold cards to the Academy Awards, 1995

    32. That's great - I'm only seven wins away from my first grand slam title.
         Justin Gimelstob,UCLA freshman, ranked 1,154 in the world, upon gaining a wildcard bid to the US Open Tennis Championships, 1995

    33. If Thomas Edison invented electric light today, Dan Rather would report it on CBS News as "candle making industry threatened".
         Newt Gingrich, US Congressman and House Speaker, 1995

    34. I'm not a natural leader. I'm too intellectual; I'm too abstract; I think too much.
         Newt Gingrich, US Congressman and House Speaker, 1995

    35. I discourage a cult of personality.
         Newt Gingrich, US Congressman and House Speaker, 1995

    36. These people have served a longer sentence than some people who have committed murder.
         Jeff Greenfield, news analyst, describing the jury in the OJ Simpson murder trial, 1995

    37. In our country they love to build beople up -- and SMASH them.
         Florence Henderson, (Mrs Brady), on Politically Incorrect 1995

    38. Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.
          Bob Inglis, 1995

    39. We composers are at least as significant as the stars who make $14 million or $15 million. You just don't see us.
         Michael Kamen, movie score composer, 1995

    40. One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned -- lock, stock, and roulette wheel -- by Lutheran Brotherhood and must renegotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120 for a suit.
         Garrison Keillor, singer and storyteller, describing what would happen if Minnesota sold lake Superior, 1995.

    41. If you had to have a diploma or a GED to collect unemployment, you'd see a lot more kids staying in school.
         Wayne Knight, actor, on Politically Incorrect, 1995

    42. I will try to follow the advice that a university president once gave a prospective commencement speaker. "Think of yourself as the body at an Irish wake" he said. "They need you in order to have the party, but no one expects you to say very much."
         Anthony Lake, national security advisor, at University of Massachusettes, Amhurst, Graduation 1995

    43. It's not Jerusalem, It's not Baghdad. It's not Bolivia. It's Oklahoma.
         V.Z. Lawton, bombing survivor, 1995

    44. I now know how Abbot felt when Costello left, how Brinkley felt when Huntley left, how Sears felt when Roebuck left, and, of course, how Dan Rather felt when Connie left.
         Jim Lehrer, News Analyst, at Robert MacNeil's retirement dinner, 1995

    45. People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
         David Letterman, comedian, 1995

    46. For the love of god folks, don't do this at home.
         David Letterman , CBS Late Show, demonstrating the Donut-o-pult, 1995

    47. I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
         David Letterman , after doing a less-than-wonderful job of hosting the Academy Awards, 1995

    48. We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
         Bill Maher, comedian and commentator, 1995

    49. Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
         Bill Maher, comedian and commentator, 1995

    50. I had it all, and I blew it.
         Mickey Mantle, baseball player, shortly before dying from cancer and other complications of alcoholism, 1995

    51. What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are.
         Alanis Morissette, singer, 1995

    52. I'm like John Wayne. I only play good guys.
         Oliver North, retired US marine colonel, describing his cameo role on a TV series, 1995

    53. I've been subjected -- I think that's the word -- to that music for years by my children.
         I.M. Pei, architect for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, on Rock and Roll, 1995

    54. What I say or do here won't matter much, nor should it.
         Dan Rather,journalist, University of Texas, Austin Graduation, 1995

    55. It's funny. Now they get it. I guess it's not the music for the overpriveliged.
         Johnny Lydon, alias Johnny Rotten, punk musician, during a PBS retrospective, 1995

    56. Parents like the idea of kids, they just don't like their kids.
         Morley Saefer, Journalist, on Politically Incorrect, 1995

    57. Kids' views are often just as valid as the teachers'. The best teachers are the ones that know that.
         Morley Saefer, Journalist, on Politically Incorrect, 1995

    58. I can't believe it's not air.
         Paul Schaffer, Musician, CBS Late Show bandleader, describing "that stuff they make you breathe on airplanes", 1995

    59. Juliet's so happy and in love, but at the same time so sad and lonely. She's totally neurotic. I could really relate.
         Alicia Silverstone, Actress, on Shakespeare's Rome and Juliet, 1995

    60. Now the only thing standing between you and a degree is, well, me. And 18 minutes.
         S. Frederic Star, author, at Wooster College Graduation, 1995

    61. At my graduation, I thought we had to marry what we wished to become. Now you are becoming the men you once would have wished to marry.
         Gloria Steinem, author and activist, Smith College Graduation, 1995

    62. It is what you do from now on that will either move our civilization forward a few tiny steps, or else...begin to march us steadily backward.
         Patrick Stewart, actor and star fleet captain, at Pomona College Graduation, 1995

    63. Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?
         Clifford Stoll, unix sysop, hacker stalker, and author, 1995

    64. I don't just sweat. I rain.
         Charlie Talbert, the title character from the movie Angus, 1995

    65. I would advise you to keep your overhead down; avoid a major drug habit; play every day; and take it in front of other people. They need to hear it, and you need them to hear it.
         James Taylor, singer and songwriter, Berklee College of Music Graduation, 1995

    66. "These are days you'll remember." If you recall nothing else from your graduation ceremony, remember you heard the New Jersey Governor quote from 10,000 Maniacs.
         Christine Todd, NJ governor, Wheaton College Graduation, 1995

    67. I don't care how much of a lama he is, he still needs his mother.
         Maria Torres, Spanish woman whose 10-year-old son is believed by Tibetan monks to be a reincarnated lama, 1995

    68. It doesn't stand up to huge intellectual scrutiny.
         Andrew Lloyd Webber, Theatrical Producer, on the huge success of his Phantom of the Opera, 1995

    69. There's no Walter Cronkite to give you the final word each evening.
         William Weld, MA governor, Babson College Graduation, 1995

    70. I will be brief. Not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech. He said "I will be so brief I have already finished," and he sat down.
         Edward O. Wilson, biologist, at Penn State University Graduation, 1995

    71. Assumptions are the termites of relationships. I wrote that.
         Henry Winkler, actor, Emerson College Graduation, 1995

B A C K

©1994 Stephen L. Spanoudis, All Rights Reserved Worldwide

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