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    - J -
  1. My only political ambition is to be re-elected.
       Glenda Jackson, British actress and current M.P., on career aspirations, 1997.

  2. He was born with little, inherited nothing and left a lot.
       Jesse Jackson, American Minister and Political Figure, on the death of James Brown, "the Godfather of Soul", 7January2007

  3. I was a veteran, before I was a teenager.
       Michael Jackson, singer, songwriter, and megastar, 1993

  4. Me and Janet really are two different people.
       Michael Jackson, singer, songwriter, and megastar, 1993

  5. Fruit, Purina Monkey Chow, and the occaisonal oreo.
       Dietary needs of Jiggs, last chimpanzee to appear as 'Cheeta' in the Tarzan movies, 1997.

  6. I vote for beer.
       Phillip Jimeno, Maryland state senator, on his recommendation for the official state drink, 1997.

  7. I have been waiting for this day for a long time.
       Wu Jingyu, Chinese Olympian in Tae Kwon Do, after winning China's first (of many) gold medals in the Beijing Games, 21Aug2008
  8. I find these sorts of polls hindering to my career. I'm an actress, not a sex object, and should be treated as such.
       Scarlett Johansson, American Actress, on a poll naming her the world's most beatiful woman. 24April2007

  9. I was always sending batteries and headless dolls in the mail. I think that's what caught their attention.
       Mark Johnson-Williams, 'Tickle-Me Elmo' doll designer, on why authorities had considered him a potential Unabomber suspect, 1997.

  10. I want to do a musical movie. Like Evita, but with good music.
       Elton John, English musician, singer and songwriter, on future plans, 1996.

  11. I like bubbles and the whole thing. That's the fun of taking a bath.
       Earvin 'Magic' Johnson, basketball virtuoso, on his new Magic's Elixir Bubble Bath, 1996

  12. I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged.
       Roger Jones, Mathemetician, 1998.

  13. Limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.
       Michael Jordan, American Athlete, on his induction into Basketball Hall of Fame, 2009

  14. Get rid of them. When they first started, this wasn't much of a nuisance. But it's epidemic-level now.
       Stan Jordan, State Representative, Jacksonville, FL, on automated "robo" calls by political campaigns, April 25, 2007

  15. - K -
  16. It's so easy to fear or hate what you don't know. I firmly believe that any negative reactions one would have would disappear when you hold Alba in your arms.
       Eduardo Kac, 'Transgenic Artist', on an albino rabbit with modified jellyfish genes, causing it to reportedly fluoress (glow) under ultra-violet light, December 2001.

  17. We composers are at least as significant as the stars who make $14 million or $15 million. You just don't see us.
       Michael Kamen, movie score composer, 1995

  18. Longevity? You can't be beautiful and sexy forever. You can be funny.
       Dianne Keaton, Comedienne, in a radio interview, February 2004

  19. One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned -- lock, stock, and roulette wheel -- by Lutheran Brotherhood and must renegotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120 for a suit.
       Garrison Keillor, singer and storyteller, describing what would happen if Minnesota sold lake Superior, 1995.

  20. Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premisis. If I open a cupboard and see, say, 30 cans of tomato sauce and a five-pound bag of rice, I get a little thrill of well-being--much more so than if I take a look at the quarterly dividend report from my mutual fund.
       Garrison Keillor, Humorist, Author, and Vocalist, on investments, 1998

  21. There's a reason we call them the 10-foot cop. You can see them from blocks away, they're great at crowd control and they're probably the most photographed piece of equipment we have. I'm a huge fan.
       Raymond W. Kelly, New York City Police Commissioner, on his decision to add 160 mounted police, NYT Online Edition, April 18th, 2006

  22. I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved.
       Rose Kennedy, (1890-1995) family matriarch, on her 100th birthday, 1991

  23. I do.
       Clark Kent, a.k.a. Superman, to Lois Lane, star reporter, after dating for 58 years, 1996

  24. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't write, I can't read, I can't talk to people. The worst thing is that I feel it will never end.
       Marian Keyes, Author, on suffering from depression, 2010

  25. I know some people will see the irony here.
       Rodney King, , whose beating by Los Angeles police sparked riots in 1992, on his plan to box a former police officer in a paid bout, 2010

  26. I've never even heard gunshots here before. Honestly, I didn't know what they sounded like until today, and I thought I never would.
       Kevin Kleine, after a gunman shout eight people at a local shopping mall in Omaha, Nebraska, 06December2007

  27. Tony is one of the most courageous people I've ever met.
       Steve Komac, high school wrestling coach, describing his student, Tony Brown, wrestling competitively at 105 lbs, a year after having both legs amputated following an accident, 1996

  28. The church needs to keep up. It's the 21st century. We don't pay with chickens and grapes anymore.
       Rev. Michael T. Kontogiorgis, of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America, on introducing a web-based donations at 20 of its 520 parishes, August 2002, in the NY Times

  29. If you had to have a diploma or a GED to collect unemployment, you'd see a lot more kids staying in school.
       Wayne Knight, actor, on Politically Incorrect, 1995

  30. If you were alive, they would give you a loan. Actually, I think if you were dead, they would still give you a loan.
       Steven Knobel, American Financial Commentator, on lax and predatory lending practices that contributed to the Global Financial Crisis, 2008

  31. It represents such fine ideals, like non-violent resolution of conflict where possible.
       Bill Kraft, after a successful 12-year campaign for the US Postal service to issue "Star Trek" stamps, 1998

  32. In the middle ages, people took potions for their ailments. In the 19th century they took snake oil. Citizens of today's shiny, technological age are too modern for that. They take antioxidants and extract of cactus instead.
       Charles Krauthammer, in Time Magazine, 1996

  33. After endless days of commuting on the freeway to an antiseptic, sealed-window office, there is a great urge to backpack in the woods and build a fire.
       Charles Krauthammer, in Time Magazine, 1996

  34. This is New York, and there's no law against being annoying.
       William Kunstler, lawyer, 1994

  35. - L -
  36. They scream, they sing, they fall down, they take their clothes off, they cross-dress, they vomit.
       Konstantinos Lagoudakis, Mayor of Malia, Crete, about British tourists unwinding a little too much on their visits to Greece, 23Aug2008.

  37. I will try to follow the advice that a university president once gave a prospective commencement speaker. "Think of yourself as the body at an Irish wake" he said. "They need you in order to have the party, but no one expects you to say very much."
       Anthony Lake, national security advisor, at University of Massachusettes, Amhurst, Graduation 1995

  38. A distributed system is one in which the failure of a computer you didn't even know existed can render your own computer unusable.
       Leslie Lamport, June 1992

  39. If you knew how meat was made, you'd probably lose your lunch. I'm from cattle country. That's why I became a vegetarian.
       K.D. Lang, singer and songwriter, magazine advertisement, 1990

  40. Be careful out there. There are things that go bump in the night. Actually, there are things that go 'Give me your wallet or I'll kill you' in the night.
       John Larroquette, actor,1994

  41. I never liked my own species.
       Gary Larsen, Far Side Cartoonist, on why so many of his comics are about animals, in an interview, 1996

  42. My children won't eat my food. If it's not plastic or out of a box, they're not interested.
       Nigella Lawson, British Chef, 2009

  43. It's not Jerusalem, It's not Baghdad. It's not Bolivia. It's Oklahoma.
       V.Z. Lawton, bombing survivor, 1995

  44. That's what's cool about working with computers. They don't argue, they remember everything and they don't drink all your beer.
       Paul Leary, guitar player, 1991

  45. I do not like this word bomb. It is not a bomb; it is a device which is exploding.
       Jacques Le Blanc, French ambassador to New Zealand, describing France's nuclear testing, 1995

  46. It always comes down to a knife fight in a telephone booth.
       Chris Lehane, Democratic Political Strategist, on negative campaigning as election time draws near, October 2008

  47. I now know how Abbot felt when Costello left, how Brinkley felt when Huntley left, how Sears felt when Roebuck left, and, of course, how Dan Rather felt when Connie left.
       Jim Lehrer, News Analyst, at Robert MacNeil's retirement dinner, 1995

  48. Either they were going to give it to me sometime before I popped off or not at all.
       Doris Lessing, on becoming the oldest person to win the Nobel Prize for Literature, at age 88, 15October2007

  49. Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.
       David Letterman , CBS Late Show, 1994

  50. Items in President Clinton's Medical File: #5. Soreness in lower back from years of flip-flopping.
       David Letterman, talk show host, 'Top Ten' list, 1996

  51. People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
       David Letterman, comedian, 1995

  52. For the love of god folks, don't do this at home.
       David Letterman , CBS Late Show, demonstrating the Donut-o-pult, 1995

  53. I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
       David Letterman , after doing a less-than-wonderful job of hosting the Academy Awards, 1995

  54. Vice President Dick Cheney is in Baghdad. While he was in Iraq, he said that it's a successful endeavour. At least I think that's what he said. It was hard to hear over the explosions.
       David Letterman, American Talk-Show Host, 2008

  55. Physics works! And I'm still alive!
       Walter Lewin, MIT Physics Professor, in one of his entertaining lecture videos delivered via YouTube, 19December2007

  56. You may succeed in silencing one man. But a howl of protest from around the world will reverberate, Mr. Putin, in your ears for the ret of your life. May God forgive you for what you have done.
       Alexander Litvinenko, former Russian Spy, from his deathbed, after being poisoned with radioactive materials, 27Noember2006

  57. We are a multisensory experience.
       Scott Livengood, CEO of Krispy Kremem doughnuts 2001

  58. Itís very difficult for a Latin American writer to avoid politics. Literature is an expression of life, and you cannot eradicate politics from life.
       Mario Vargas Llosa , Peruvian Novelist, on winning the Nobel Prize in Literature, October 18th, 2010

  59. Part of you think its in bad taste . . . part of you wants an XL.
       Web Page Introduction, Los Angeles, California County Coroner's Office Gift Shop, 1996

  60. You just have to learn how to handle the stings.
       Antonio Lopez, Catalan Scuba Diver, on the increase in Jellyfish populations attributed to declining ocean health, 04Aug2008

  61. It's true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, "Even a blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then."
       Lyle Lovett, musician, upon marying actress Julia Roberts, 1994

  62. I thought it was too wacky for the general public.
       George Lucas, movie producer, director, and creator of Star Wars, on his original opinion of his movie's chances for success, 1997.

  63. You're in charge but don't touch the controls.
       Shannon Lucid, record setting American astronaut, recounting what the two Russian cosmonauts tell her each time they leave the Mir space station for a spacewalk, 1996.

  64. The only thing it would be nice to have more of would be M&Ms.
       Shannon Lucid, record setting American astronaut, after 6 months on Space Station Mir, 1996.

  65. When she gets back to earth, she'll be like a tire that's ready to be retreaded.
       Rev. J. Oscar Wells, father of astronaut Shannon Lucid, on her eagerness to return to space,1996.

  66. I hope to age disgracefully - It's a baby boomer mentality.
       Lulu, British Singer, at age 58, 23July2007

  67. - M -
  68. Childhood pictures and pictures of my life. Do you know how many pictures that is? Not just this life; I have pictures from 13,000 lives.
       Shirley MacLaine, actress, author, dancer, singer, and reincarnation proponent, on things she had to pack before leaving her home in advance of a forest fire, 1996.

  69. I left a legacy of shame. It is something I will live with for the rest of my life.
       Bernard Madoff, Investment fund "manager", after his convition and sentencing to 150 years in prisoon for fraud, after operating the largest Ponzi scheme in U.S. hustory, 2009

  70. Please accept my profound appologies for the terrible inconvenience that I have caused.
       Bernie Madoff, American Investment Broker whose mysterious investment schemes were exposed as a long-running Ponzi Scheme which bilked investors of an estimated $50 billion, January 2009.

  71. I'm not interested in being Wonder Woman in the delivery room. Give me drugs.
       Madonna, singer and actress, requesting an epidural in advance of childbirth, 1996

  72. I dedicate this song to the pope.
       --Madonna, pop singer, on a recent performance of "Like a Virgin", in Rome, 14Sept2008, in Time

  73. I think I'd rather get run over by a train.
       Madonna Ciccone, Singer and Performance Artist, when asked if sh would consider marying again, 2009

  74. I keep telling myself, one day, I will wake up and everything will be back in the place it was supposed to be. But it's not happening.
       Mary Magee, on life in a tent city near her former home in Pass Christian, Mississippi, following hurricane Katrina, November 5th 2005

  75. We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
       Bill Maher, comedian and commentator, 1995

  76. Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
       Bill Maher, comedian and commentator, 1995

  77. Does Mike Tyson live near here?
       Nelson Mandela, South African president, during a tour of New York City, 1990

  78. I had it all, and I blew it.
       Mickey Mantle, baseball player, shortly before dying from cancer and other complications of alcoholism, 1995

  79. Fundamentally this thing has been reshaped, resized and rethought.
       Sergio Marchionne , Italian Automobile Executive responsible for running Chrysler after its puchase by Fiat, on the U.S. auto industry, August 14th, 2010

  80. It's safe, convenient, and you know you'll always be able to find one.
       Don Marginson, Recreational Vehicle (RV) driver, on using Wal-Mart parking lots as camp sites. 2001

  81. I was a vegetarian at the time, but I decided to make an exception for Bacon.
       Katrina Markoff, Professional Chef and Confectioner, owner of Vosges Haut-Chocolat, on her best selling product, 'Mo's Bacon Bar'. Jnuary 2009, in Time.

  82. It's the biggest thing to happen to purple since Barney.
       Gary Marshall, actor, and head of Murphy Brown's TV network, on Northwestern University's trip to the Rose Bowl, 1996.

  83. It travels with the speed of lightning, Iíve heard, and it can kill a person in four hours. So of course we are all on edge.
       Jean Michel Maximilien , on fears over the spread of Cholera in Port-au-Prince, six months after Haiti's devestating earthquake, October 25th, 2010

  84. The concepts of man or woman don't fit me.
       Norrie May-Welby, Australian, on having her gender legally changed to "neuter", 2010

  85. I can still smell the tear gas in the Hilton Hotel.
       Eugene McCarthy, former US Senator, reminiscing about the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago, 1996.

  86. They can do more than a cop on foot, or a guy in a car. They can gallop through traffic, go the wrong way up one-way streets, and they're great for community relations. I mean, you can't exactly pet a cop car. Or a police dog, for that matter.
       Scott McClelland, Canadian Horse Trainer, on New York City's decision to add 160 mounted police, NYT Online Edition, April 18th, 2006

  87. The word of mouth is that it's easy, it's safe and it's gratifying. So it's not surprising that the octogenarian, or a mother with children at home, or people with all sorts of uncharacteristic backgrounds would be attracted to trying to give it a go. It can be just about anybody.
        Robert McCrie , professor of Security Management at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, on the recent upswing in attempted bank robberies by first-time criminals, July 3rd, 2004

  88. When a cop on horseback issues a command, people tend to listen. I mean, I'm sitting on a thousand pounds of animal. It's also human nature to respect and fear a horse.
       Sgt. William McKay, New York City mounted policeman, on the impact of his partner "Angus" the horse, NYT Online Edition, April 18th, 2006

  89. The Rent Is Too Damn High Party feels that if you want to marry a shoe, I'll marry you.
       Jimmy McMillan, New York Gubernatorial Candidate, when asked for his party's stand on legalizing gay marriage, October 19th, 2010

  90. I met the Dali Lama once. He held my hand for five minutes. It was weird. You're not supposed to touch him. I thought, well, I kind of feel like his girlfriend.
  91. I can still smell the tear gas in the Hilton Hotel.
       John Mellencamp, American Rock Musician, in and interview in Time, January 2008.

  92. Thereís no secret about it, really. You just donít die, and you get to be 100. I have always liked to dance. But as you know, after a certain age, there are no men to dance with. So I started line dancing.
       Hazel Miller , American Centenarian, on making it to age 100, October, 19th, 2010

  93. That's the day I lost interest in becoming a steam locomotive engineer.
       "Upside Down"Johnny Miller, at age 96, Barnstormer, Autogyro and Airline Pilot for 79 years, on the first time he saw a plane land and take off in 1910, July 2002

  94. It defies logic to require blind students to take this course
       Meta Minton, State Board of Education spokeswoman, on Illinois school district requirements that Blind students must pass Driver's Ed in order to graduate from high school, MSNBC Online Edition, march 10th, 2006

  95. The pride and presence of a professional football team is far more important than 30 libraries.
       Art Modell, owner of the Baltimore Ravens (formerly Cleveland Browns), 1996

  96. They don't expect a free hot dog at the ballpark.
       Michelle Mohr, US Airways spokesperson, on why airline passengers should not be surprised by added charges for blankets, pillows, and checked baggage, TIME online, 06Aug2008

  97. At least the airsickness bags are still free Ė for now.
       Anonymous Airline Passenger, on the increase in Ďa la carteí fees for amenities by airlines, 08Aug2008

  98. I read half of it, then I skipped through. I already know what it's about, though.
       Dominique Monceau, adolescent US Olympic gymnast, on reading her 'autobiography'. 1996.

  99. Look, I do hair for a living. If you want to find out what the American people are thinking about, do you sit in an attorney's office or in a barbershop?
       Monte Moreno, boxer, hairstylist, and Republican Senate candidate in Minnesota, 1996.

  100. What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are.
       Alanis Morissette, singer, 1995

  101. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
       Kate Moss, British Model, 2009

  102. Democracy is a process, not a destination.
       Jardo Muekalia, representative of Angola's rebel Unita movement, on elections, 22Sept2008, in Time

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